yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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