I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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