i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Hippo gnu deer
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
