Dual....:-)
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
