he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
