sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
