OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
