I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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