Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
