I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
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I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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