he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
