Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
