I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
