my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
