Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize