Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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