that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
