I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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