Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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