You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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