It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
