margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
