Yo dont text me then not text me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
