This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize