If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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