Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
