I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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