Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
