I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
