it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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