i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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