How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
