he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
