Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Princesses don't give blow jobs
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
BRING THE BAGELS
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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