I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
