I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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