I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
