oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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