you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
