having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
