brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
