Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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