Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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