I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
