remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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