Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
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we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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