I have demons in me.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
