The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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