i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
