I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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