He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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