Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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