Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me