if i can run in heels then i can drive
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.