Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.