I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
