just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
