Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
