Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Randomize
Follow @tfln