I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.