I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.