My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
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Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
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so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.