her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?