she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.