I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible